


Panic

by fuckthenaysayers



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Abandonment, M/M, Panic Attacks, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 21:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1957158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckthenaysayers/pseuds/fuckthenaysayers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael's hands were shaking as he read it, standing up immediately and hurrying out to the parking lot. With trembling fingers he pulled out the keys to the car, sliding into the driver's seat and laying his head down on the steering wheel, his fingers grasping at the warm leather tightly. His eyes stung with unshed tears, he could feel his chest heaving as he fought for air.</p><p>"They're coming. They'll be home soon. They're not leaving me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panic

A six person relationship wasn't always the easiest thing to deal with. Sometimes they'd all be together for a good couple months, but when con season rolls back around someone was always missing from the group. Usually it'd just be one or two, Geoff and Jack off to Comic Con, Ray and Gavin off to PAX. Inevitably once the weather got warmer, their six person group would dwindle down to 3 or 4 for a little while, and they'd have to make due.

It was easier for some of them than others. Ray would always be able to thrive even without any company, Ryan would never deny the chance for a little quiet time either. Michael on the other hand, did not fare so well. He wouldn't talk about it, but any of the other men still there could feel the anxiousness that radiated off of him when one of their group was gone for more than a couple days. The tenseness was palpable, the way he'd have his phone almost constantly in his hands, sending check up texts to whoever was missing at least a couple times a day.

No one asked outright what was wrong, it was clear Michael didn't want to talk about it. The few times Jack or Geoff had brought it up, the man just laughed it off and blamed it on a bad night's sleep or something else which it clearly was not caused by. So they stayed quiet, the men who were still there when others were away for work would give him as much attention as they could, figuring that Michael was just missing their other partners, and some extra affection could possibly make up for it.

Since Michael was always the last to fall asleep, no one noticed when he wouldn't go to bed until his body forced him to. No one saw his frantic pacing when he'd send a super late good night text to one of the guys who were away, how he'd clutch his phone in his hand and stare at it like he was trying to wordlessly beg for a response. No one saw the tears of relief that welled in his eyes when finally, he'd get a sleepily written reply of 'gd nite luv u', or the way his entire body would relax as though a heavy weight has been lifted off of him.

It wasn't as bad when Michael was one of the ones away. It was rare he'd be sent without any of the other men with him, so he always had at least one of his lovers with him, and the constant work kept him busy enough to keep from worrying about anything but himself. He could make it through a trip, so long as he wasn't fully alone.

Everyone had been back in town for a while, all trips put on hold as RTX came and went, the hunters all incredibly busy for the start of July. Of course, that didn't last forever, and it wasn't long until everyone was being sent off in various ways. Michael hadn't realized just what that meant, until he'd gotten home one day to find his five lovers packing bags. He'd arrived later, Lindsay dropping him off after they finished shooting some lines for RWBY, the show in full production at the moment.

"What the fuck's going on?"

He asked as he wandered into the bedroom, watching the men all pause for a moment and look at him. Geoff looked a bit apologetic, a hand running through his hair.

"Ryan, Ray, and I got chosen to go off to San Diego Comic Con."

"Okay... and Gavin and Jack?"

"Burnie's doing some kind of show in LA and wants them to go with."

Michael's breath caught in his throat as he realized the subtle message they were telling him. He was going to be alone.

"I-I'm not going? To like Comic Con or anything?"

"You're in the middle of recording for RWBY, Monty and Miles made it clear they needed you to stay here for that. It won't be long, just a few days for Gav and Jack. And the rest of us will be back in like a week too."

"It's fine, yeah, be kinda nice to have the house to myself for once."

Michael let out a little laugh, but it was choked and quiet. He rubbed at the back of his neck, eyes blinking rapidly as he refocused them on the floor. Mumbling something about the bathroom, he walked out to the hallway, slipping silently into the bathroom and locking the door. Turning on the faucet, he let the rushing water mask the quiet pants that escaped him, his fingers clutching at the white porcelain of their bathroom sink as he stared down at the water, trying to calm himself back down.

He came back out in fifteen minutes, the only response from his lovers being Ray asking what he wanted on the pizza they were ordering, and Michael just shrugged in response, not trusting himself to talk. No one else was making a big deal of this, so he had to try to play it cool too.

\--

Though Michael was all smiles and hugs when he was seeing his boys off, the moment he got back home the panic set in. They'd all either sent a text to let him know when their plane took off, or tweeted about leaving, and suddenly Michael's phone wasn't quiet the lifeline it used to be. He set it to silent, not wanting to get the notifications reminding him that he was on his own again, his brain was doing that enough.

The fact that they'd left after work was probably the worst part, Michael was left with nothing to keep him busy until the next morning. By the end of the first night he'd spoken to all of them at least once on the phone, and made sure to send a good night text to them all too. He didn't get to bed until 2, though he did manage to distract himself by recording a couple full play episodes in the mean time.

\--

He had to make it just one more day. One more day and Jack and Gavin would be back, and he'd be okay. He wasn't faring well, Ryan, Geoff, and Ray were too busy to reply to most of his texts with more than a 'k' or 'me 2', and the fears he tried so hard to keep hidden were bubbling up to the surface. Michael didn't really know why he felt this way, in all honesty.

When he thought back on it, the feeling probably started when he was old enough to realize his parents were separating. He was only 5 or 6, but he could remember begging his father not to go, but to no avail. Watching his dad drive off and never come back was a vision that burned itself into the depths of Michael's memories. From that point on, he'd gotten a little clingy with his brothers, desperate for a paternal influence that only they could now give him. They dealt with it as kind as they could, but even they left eventually, in pursuit of love or education, leaving Michael abandoned by the only male figures in his life, yet again.

Though he denied it for a long time, the feeling of abandonment really shaped a key part of Michael's personality. He became rude and sarcastic as a defense mechanism, using his rough personality to drive away any potential friends because the idea of getting close to someone only to lose them again wasn't something he could handle even one more time. He only made casual friends at school, the kind where they'd hang out during classes but he rejected any outside invitations, refusing to let himself find comfort in anyone else.

It was when he started making friends online that he began to open up more again. The barrier of the internet made it feel like they could never truly abandon him, and if he ever felt like he was getting too close to someone he could just block them and cut it off himself. But then he came across Roosterteeth, and the close-knit community on it and slowly he found himself losing the harsh walls he kept himself hidden behind.

He got close to Ray first, though he could keep some control since they didn't see each other often, and when he moved to Texas he felt like the only threat he'd had at letting someone in had been eliminated. Instead, he found himself opening up to even more people, and eventually succumbed to love. As time passed he found himself feeling more and more secure with his fellow hunters, especially when one would leave for a trip and return, solifidying the bond by proving they wouldn't leave him.

But when Michael was left alone, no one was there to give him comfort and help him feel at ease until the others would return. His thoughts ran rampant, distracting him during work and keeping him up at night with almost paralyzing daydreams of them all leaving without a word. It was absolutely terrifying how quickly his brain could tear away at the bonds he had with each of the men, and make him truly afraid that this was it. That none of them would come home, that they'd start a life without him in California.

He got no sleep that night, and found himself taking a taxi to the airport as early as he could. Jack had left his car there, so once he arrived they'd all head home together, the keys left with Michael. Michael waited for a while in the car, just relaxing in the small space they all shared on a daily basis, closing his eyes and imagining the other seats filled with his lovers. He could picture Jack and Geoff up front, the two typically taking the front seats as they were the main drivers. The rest of them would take turns in deciding who sat where, often by rock paper scissors, which often ended up with Michael and Gavin stuck in the back.

Michael could almost hear their voices arguing, Ryan antagonizing Gavin over the utter loss he had, while Geoff and Jack giggle up front. Opening his eyes, he was reminded that he was still alone, at least for a couple more hours. He wasted time in the airport, wandering around and grabbing some food, buying a magazine to sift through as he sat on the floor in the terminal Jack and Gavin would be arriving in. Time passed slowly, but eventually it was almost time for them to arrive.

"Attention, the American Airlines flight AAL2560 from Los Angeles has been cancelled due to plane malfunctions. Please stand by for further information."

Pulling out his phone, Michael pulled up the plane information Jack had sent him the day before, paling as the number matched what had just been called. He tried calling Jack but recieved no answer, guessing the man had already put it into airplane mode. Gavin was less careful about that, so he sent him a text, panic rising as he waited for a response.

'airport announced flight cancelled?? when are u coming home'

There was nothing for a couple minutes, and then a short reply.

'all flights booked up. might not be back till tmrw'

Michael's hands were shaking as he read it, standing up immediately and hurrying out to the parking lot. With trembling fingers he pulled out the keys to the car, sliding into the driver's seat and laying his head down on the steering wheel, his fingers grasping at the warm leather tightly. His eyes stung with unshed tears, he could feel his chest heaving as he fought for air.

"They're coming. They'll be home soon. They're not leaving me."

He repeated those three sentences like a mantra, hands clutching at the wheel, imagining Geoff's hands there instead. It took a little bit until he could breathe without his throat feeling tight, sitting back in the seat, sighing in relief when he didn't feel his heart beating hard any longer. A quiet tune broke the silence, Michael pulling out his phone to see Jack's name pop up. He answered immediately.

"Hey Jack."

"Hey Michael. Sorry to make you go all the way out to the airport and have this happen."

Michael laughed a little. If only Jack knew how long he'd really been waiting for them.

"It's okay, not your fault after all. Any idea what's gonna happen now?"

"Well they finally let us off the damn plane, and Gavin's arguing with the clerk, but it doesn't look like we'll be coming home tonight."

"Oh. Well um... w-when are you coming home then?"

"Their next flight isn't till midnight, so Gav and I are just going to stay until the other guys arrive, since they're flying home tomorrow too. There are spots open on their flight so we'll all be coming home together."

Michael frowned at the news, chewing absentmindedly at his bottom lip. The other three men weren't getting home till past 5pm if he remembered correctly.

"Okay... so uh what time are you guys gonna get in so I know when to be here."

"Oh Michael, you don't have to come all the way out, just leave the keys hidden in the glove box or something and we can just come meet you at home. You've spent too much time waiting for us at the airport already, I don't want to make you do that again."

"A-Alright. Alright, that's fine. I'll let you go then, guess I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Okay. We love you Michael, see you soon."

"Love you guys too."

Michael mumbled his final reply, hanging up and whimpering in distress, rubbing at his eyes and repeating the words he had been before.

"They're coming. They'll be home soon. They're not leaving me."

\--

"Christ, I never thought I'd be so happy to be back in this dry heat."

Ray grumbled, the four men surrounding him making their own little noises of agreement as they walked off the plane, finally back in Texas.

"You're telling us. They kept me and Gav on that plane for a good hour yesterday, fucking ridiculous."

Jack said with a sigh, leading the group towards the baggage claim. It didn't take long for them all to get their bags, heading out to the parking lot and to the car. Jack slid into the driver's seat, sighing happily at the familiar feeling of them all in the car again. Geoff rummaged through the glove box, finding the keys and handing them over, and soon they were on the road back home.

"Man, I can't wait to see my little Michael again. I bet he'll be so happy to see me he won't even call me dumb today!"

Gavin was practically bouncing in his seat, excited to see their left behind lover. Ray and Ryan smiled at the thought, they'd all been missing Michael a lot.

"I bet he'll jump us the moment we get in, you know how horny he gets after a couple days without anything."

Ryan said with a chuckle, already planning some fun things to do to make up for being gone. The group started talking about what they expected, Ray thought Michael would be chill and just playing some video games when they arrived. Geoff thought he'd be out with Lindsay or Kerry, Jack thought he'd be napping or eating.

None of them expected what they got. The lights were off, the house eerily quiet. Michael's shoes were at the entrance so they knew he was there, but there was no sign of him really being there.

"Maybe he's in the shower?"

The group entered quietly, leaving their bags at the door, more interested in finding their sixth person. They split up to search the house, Jack off to the bathroom, Geoff to the kitchen, Gavin checking the living room and extra rooms. Ray and Ryan went upstairs, searching the few rooms they had before meeting at the bedroom and heading inside.

Michael was on the bed, legs pulled to his chest, his head resting on a knee, arms holding his legs tightly to him. His eyes were closed, popping open the moment he heard Ryan call his name. Despite looking a little shocked, Michael looked normal for a moment, before his face screwed up into an upset look. His eyes welled with big tears that rolled down already red, raw cheeks.

"You're home."

He breathed out, his voice wobbly and choked up. Ryan was instantly tense with worry, mumbling to Ray to get the other guys before walking in and sitting on the bed next to Michael, pulling the man close. Michael clutched at him desperately, body wracking with quiet sobs. The rest of their group filed in, their looks immediately turning to worried ones as they saw the curly-haired man clinging to Ryan and crying.

"Michael, Michael, love what's wrong?"

Ryan cooed to him, the other men joining them on the bed, all hovering worriedly over Michael.

"I was so scared..."

Michael sobbed out, his hands reaching out for the other men that had surrounded them, clutching at Ray and Gavin's shirts, hiding his face in Geoff now as he tried to calm down. Geoff cupped Michael's cheeks, pulling the man's face away from his chest so he could see it. Staring up through tear-blurred eyes, Michael locked his gaze with his eldest lover, relief flowing through him at the concerned look Geoff had. Geoff leaned down, pulling off the younger man's glasses and kissing tenderly at Michael's cheeks, again and again until he'd kissed away every tear he could.

The younger man had calmed down a little, able to sit up on his own now, rubbing roughly at his eyes and sniffling, trying to fully settle down. Jack had sat behind him, pulling Michael into his lap and cradling him like he would a child, which Michael was more than happy to let happen.

"Michael, buddy, talk to us. We don't understand why you were so upset, did we do something wrong?"

Geoff asked, the group still circled around him. Michael shook his head a little, sniffling again.

"I was just so afraid you guys were leaving me."

"What?"

A few of them said in chorus, confused.

"I-I dunno. I... I always get scared when one of you guys is gone that you're just gonna leave or something. And normally I can get through it on my own without having to worry you guys but when you were all gone my thoughts just ran wild and all I could think was that you were all secretly planning to leave me. Like I fucked up and you had no other option but to just run away."

"Michael, we'd never do that!"

"Yeah, we love you, idiot."

Gavin and Ray piped up, looking a little upset that Michael would think of them in such a way. Michael was staring at his lap, rubbing at his eyes again.

"I know, I love you guys too. So, so fucking much. But I've got some weird fucking issues I guess and sometimes I just freak myself out a lot even when I know you guys love me and wouldn't just drop me like that. My brain just sort of tunes out common sense and panic takes over."

"You should have told us about this, we will do anything to make you not be scared of such a thing. Is this why you call and text a lot when one of us is away on a trip? And why you're all anxious every time con season rolls around?"

Michael nodded, the group feeling a little foolish at having written off the clear anxiety Michael had been having as just missing them like normal. Ryan caressed the younger man's face gently, staring at him with a look of utter love and remorse.

"We'll talk with Burnie and make sure you're never left alone again. If we need to cut back on the amount of conventions we do, we'll do it. Whatever it takes so you won't have to go through this again. From now on, just tell us whenever you're feeling scared like this again, I promise we'll all be more than happy to reassure you of our love."

Ryan leaned in, kissing Michael lovingly, until Geoff pulled him away and replaced Ryan's lips with his own. It went on like that, each man giving Michael a tender kiss as if to seal the promise Ryan had given him. They all smiled kindly at Michael, relief flooding over them all as he smiled back at them.

"Now then,"

Gavin piped up.

"I think it's time for some welcome home bevs, right Michael?"

Michael laughed a little, his smile widening to a grin.

"Sounds great, Gav. Sounds perfect."


End file.
